Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Red Lights

Every single day I sit at this red light taking deep meditative breaths because this light never ceases to take a half hour to turn green and as a result makes me late for work. The other absolutely insane thing about this light is that at least two people blow through the red light on a daily basis. I will be sitting there willing the damn thing to turn green as I channel the traffic gods, and the rest of the world seems to just take the liberty to run it like it’s some free for all.  

When it comes to red lights I usually cringe and make weird nervous sounds because with my luck I will get caught, but I realize that the majority of people think nothing of it. As I’m looking in my rear view for Seal Team 6 on my tail for blowing through that yellow, it is easy to forget that people run red lights all the time. It is easy to become hindered by the obligation to constantly follow the rules. It is the same reason why you were the only kid who lined up (at least that's what I remember :])when you were told after recess while everyone else continued to terrorize the playground until it was absolutely dire to obey orders. 
closest picture to driving and red lights I had Hi Molly! :]

While everyone runs a red light from time to time, I think you have to save them for times that really  matter like when you decide to have ice cream for breakfast. It got me thinking about all of the red lights we sit at constantly. From waiting on your job to finally seem meaningful, waiting for the next step in a relationship, to waiting on your future plans to simply drop out of the sky into your lap. Instead of running the light and flashing forward to a life in jail as a light runner learn to run red lights like a bad ass, figuratively of course, we can't have everyone going around like it's Clifton winter 2012, when everyone was driving through houses. Below are a few instances when you should for sure run the red light.

Run it when

You are hungry:It makes me so sad when I hear people talk about their diet and what they cant have, how they have only had a head of lettuce in the past 12 hours with some herb water. When you are hungry you should eat...always. If that's not the most refreshing thing you've heard all day then I don't know what is! No one likes to be around hangry rage.

It’s your health: I'm not saying get air lifted at the site of your next pimple, but to be proactive in your health. If things aren't feeling right figure out how to make it better. Being in touch with your body will not only make you more productive, it will keep you from running around with the eternal sickness that we all seem to get around this time of year.

It’s for someone: not saying what you actually want and need from someone is like handing the nearest stranger a spoon and hoping they will remember to feed you at some point. Saying what you really feel and want from others can be absolutely terrifying but ultimately allows you to get what you actually want, instead of the shitty date with that person who tells you about his ex-girlfriend the entire time.

You need a break: There is nothing pleasant about someone who runs around like a cyclone of business and leaves you and your Netflix watching self feeling guilty about being caught up on your favorite seasons. When things feel too crazy take a step back and turn the volume down. There is no shame in taking a break, and those dealing with you and your cyclone will appreciate it.

You are going for it: Jobs, goals, future plans whatever it is just go do it. If only you could stare at Linkedin with conviction for an hour or so, and your future employer would finally call you. You won't get where you want to be by sitting at a red light so just go for it. 

<3 RV

Mid posting of this Ja Rule Pandora caused my internet to crash deleting this entire post. So sorry if it sounds ridiculous this is the most I could remember from the original :] 

Monday, November 18, 2013


I went for a night run the other day and in the 5 mile time span I managed to awkwardly trip and nearly sprain my ankle a total of 4 times which for those keeping track averages to almost 1 trip per mile. Based off all of the red flags before and during the run I should have known that I was in store for an absolutely horrible performance. There is literally nothing more mortifying than tripping, almost falling, and then the tactic you choose in which you attempt to recover from it.  

The circumstances were just off from the beginning for this little outing. It was the first melt your face off cold night and I spent almost 20 minutes avoiding head on collisions while searching for a parking spot. I finally found a spot that I have decided was only half legal to park at because it wasn't a snow emergency or the hours of 2-4 and 3-7, but no parking if there were leaves on the ground, you drove a red car, or owned a steering wheel cover. I figured there was a 50\50 chance it would still be there when I got back, and in Clifton those are great odds.

I also realized that I have no idea how to deal with cold weather. I was insanely overdressed with two base layers with reflective warming capabilities and the thickest 100% cotton sweat producing hoodie I owned. Add in gloves with fingers slots twice as long as my actual fingers, and a Velcro arm band that kept sticking to and fraying everything I was wearing.

I took two steps and instantly was trapped in a furnace like body suit of heat. My face felt frozen solid which means my nose was dripping like a faucet., so overall it was an attractive site. 

Whenever I turned to look for cars while crossing roads my hood would blow across my face like a convenient blindfold which only added to how ridiculous it all looked. Then as I stepped for the sidewalk mid cross, the blindfold activated and my foot found the only pothole for a mile and sent me into a mid collapse recovery hop-ish looking jog across the street.

From here there are a few ways to deal and it can make or break the amount of shame you are forced to endure. Whether you face planted on the treadmill or your ankle gave out you have options.

Deny: literally act like it didn't happen. The passive aggressor's comfort zone. This is what I went with...

I shrugged it off and sprinted ahead to make some distance between me and the crowd of witnesses only to get stopped at the crosswalk by whizzing traffic. Was it just me or did everyone eying me while turning left seem to know what just happened? This tactic has a way of backfiring and forcing you to acknowledge your actions for prolonged red lights.

Blame: this guy at the gym was stomping on the treadmill obnoxiously loud to alert everyone in the room at he was running 10 mph. Naturally he looked around and ended up getting some face time with the floor. He stood up and got dramatically upset "fu@%#+g piece of $h*t" (storms away). Okay Protein, while this may help expel how awesomely dumb you are feeling it is way off putting to everyone in the area and leads to it being relived by others (like right now) for years to come.

Laugh: I avoid this because nervous laughter makes me uncomfortable. But the best part of this is that if you start laughing everyone else who is already laughing at what just happened is deterred by your willingness to embrace the situation; therefore turning a loss into a win. 

Somehow despite this train wreck of a run the car was still there and I was left with a greater understanding of how to manage the shames of cold weather running. Lesson learned, no blindfolds from now on.


Monday, November 11, 2013

Deal with it

So I did two Zumba sessions with a broken toe tonight. Usually debilitating situations like this would have sent me into a tail spin of “omg my workout career is over this is the end hello 10 steps backwards a 15 pound weight gain and a whole new sedentary toeless lifestyle” emotion. Ignoring the fact at how dysfunctional that whole scenario is, what really needs to be addressed is the dysfunctional way in which my poor little toe was destroyed.

Lifting and I have always had a love hate relationship. In one overly motivated attempt to befriend weight routines I have been using my little 5 pounders on a daily basis and have even been noticing subtle progress and I mean subtle. What is even more ridiculous is that I leave the weights out near my bed like being able to constantly see them will tempt me to actually pick them up once in a while.

Last night I was getting out of bed in the dark to plug in my dying phone. It was so cold that I half ran to and from the outlet and ended up crashing my foot more precisely my right ring toe into the damn weights causing a faint crack and throbbing pain. There was the wince and I walked it off like nothing happened naturally...first step, denial. All night long I felt the little thing throbbing and sure enough when I woke up it was the exact size and color of a purple grape, sweet happy Monday morning.

After taping and icing this pathetic little thing all day it was feeling okay and non-functional as it usually does, so I figured a workout was still in the cards. 
spared you the horror of the toe and gave you a picture of public enemy number one instead

 Me doing Zumba is the equivalent of those cute videos of toddlers dancing spastically in the backseat of the car to the radio; except minus the cuteness and add a broken toe with two left feet. This was going to be good.

I feel like these things are a fact of life whether it is affecting your ability to workout, or things in your general life. Things don’t go according to plan and we resort to being overwhelmed and defeated. As much as I hate shit like this, it is literally constantly happening so why not learn how to deal with it.

Make a new plan: toe’s broke now what? Shockingly enough, once that little baby got warmed up it really felt fine during the workout. I still had no ability to "body roll"so nothing was lost from the experience. I mainly can’t run which means adjustments will be made. If things veer from your path, have the wherewithal to make a new plan it won’t kill you I promise.

Get off the merry go round: When something is a routine or anticipated, the disappointment factor is higher than ever. There was nothing more earth shattering than when your favorite ride slowed to a stop, but sometimes you need to get off and try a new ride.

Adjust: Sometimes being minorly obsessed (okay maybe majorly in this case) with something can leave you feeling like that bird that continually tries to fly through your closed window. Instead of forcing what clearly isn’t working out, readjust and move on. Running was getting old anyways. This is an awesome opportunity to work on abs, or stationary lifting. I’m taking it as a sign to back off cardio.

Loosen up: No one is going to come arrest you for not completing your to-do list. It is easy to pressure yourself to do it all with time to spare. Instead of acting like a frantic zombie take the issues with stride and go with the flow.

Relax: This isn’t how things will always be. This isn’t even how they will be tomorrow so relax and remind yourself that they will work out, even if your toe feels like it is going to fall off.

Here’s to hoping these little messages will be to be enough to stay positive about even the tiniest road blocks in life. And as for the toe…it will serve as a constant reminder to never leave the weights out in the open...such a rookie mistake.